So, it’s been a long while since I dropped by here.  A very long while.  Not exactly sure why that is, maybe I just lacked inspiration.

It was a busy, but mostly good year.  Said hello to a grand nephew but had to say goodbye to my beloved dog, Chance.

And I struggled with anxiety issues for most of the year.  Some days it just seemed so hard to get out of bed and function until I reminded myself that if I could make it through cancer, then I could make it through the day.  Didn’t always work but it was an important reminder.

As I continued to clean out closets (more on that later), I came upon old journals from high school and college years.  I wrote sporadically during those years but the thing that jumped out at me was how I complained about anxiety issues then, too.  Huh.  I don’t really recall feeling that way, mostly I recall being unhappy and feeling like I didn’t fit in.  Anywhere.

I read a book recently where the author refers to anxiety as the “disease of doubt”.  What a great description!  I feel like I have spent most of my life doubting nearly everything – how I look, relationships, decisions, and whether whatever I am doing is “right”.

Is there a cure for doubt?

But anyway….

I’m sure I mentioned it here somewhere, my desire to move “someplace else”.  This has been a thought or plan since at least 2015.  Before I could make it happen, there were repairs that needed to be done on the house….and then cancer.  I honestly did not know if I would ever recover enough from the Year of Cancer to make a move happen.

It is happening!

After a lot of thought, I decided there would be no better time than now.  Of course, finding what I believe to be the perfect location also helped.

The house has been sold, the movers will be here in two weeks, and I will then move to Asheville to start the next chapter as a Mountain Girl.

That inner Voice of Doubt had a field day with this decision.  What if it turns out to be a terrible thing? What if I hate it there?  What if?  What if?  What if?

When I moved to Florida it was like a no brainer decision.  I just wanted to get out of Pennsylvania, I didn’t so much where I landed as long as it was warmer.  I remember telling myself that if I hated in Orlando, I could always leave after 3 years (it was a job relocation thing…I had to stay at least 3 years as part of the deal).  I stayed almost 18 years.

So there have been a lot of changes happening, not necessarily a bad thing.

Oh, and about that cleaning out of closets thing.  I thought I had done a lot of purging of junk over the past couple of years.  Having a dumpster in the driveway twice was a huge help.  How do we collect so much stuff?  There is only one of me and yet it seems like there is crap everywhere!

I donated a good bit of stuff and will donate more this week when Salvation Army shows up for a collection.

I also gave away the piano which was very bittersweet.  I have had that piano for over 40 years and took lessons on it for about 8 years when I was growing up.  But it had become just a piece of furniture that took up room in the house.  I managed to find a local charity that collects pianos to give to disadvantaged music students.  It made my heart less sad to know it will go to someone who will cherish it.

So there you go, a very brief summary of how things have been here.  Hope you are doing well, please say hello or something.

Sometimes you need to think only about the step right in front of you.  All you can do is trust your own footing and keep going even when you feel lost and afraid.  ~~ Tova Mirvis