So, once again I have been derelict in my blogging duties.  Apologies.

It’s been busy but not in a bad way. I guess.  Taking a break from projects last fall turned out to be a really good decision.  It was nice to be a little lazy for a while to just relax and regroup.

A few years ago, I decided moving might be a good thing.  The plan was to downsize and hopefully reduce the amount of maintenance needed on a living space.  And then cancer happened which delayed the entire plan.  I thought for a while that the plan would no longer be viable so I suppose only being delayed is not so bad.

The original thought was to move to a beachy type of place but then Hurricane Irma came through and….not so much for the beach anymore.  The fall trip to Virginia reminded me – again – how much I miss fall.  And how much I miss living in a smaller, less traffic congested place.

After a good bit of thought, I have settled on Asheville as being the number one contender as a place to move to.  Well, as long as I decide I like it after a visit in April.  That is step one.  Many more steps after that but at least it’s a start.

Part of the reason for the downsizing is to reduce expenses in the hopes of finally finding some other occupation.  And that’s where the title comes from.

I have written in journals on and off over the years, mostly when I feel unsettled or upset about life.  It’s not usually clear if the writing part helps at all but the reading part later usually does.  Every now and again, I find old journals and read the entries.  What I notice are patterns.  Sort of like a dream journal only it’s more of an angst journal.  It’s how I figure out what is gnawing at my soul.

A few years ago, it was financial issues.  I knew the disaster of my financial situation was causing anxiety but did not realize how bad it was until I read through months of journal entries.  It was the catalyst for making changes to finally resolve some of those issues.

And then there were the “man issues” that took up mental energy.  Those issues resolved, too, though in a different way. Ha ha ha

The latest theme – or ongoing theme that is now the most evident – is job dissatisfaction.  I’m tired of complaining about it and tired of being depressed every day when dragging my sorry butt to work.

A few years ago, around the same time as the moving plan was taking shape, I read a book titled Making a Living Without a Job.  It’s quite inspiring although I’m not sure how practical it is.  Anyway, last night, I came to the part where you check off these attributes that you would love to have in a dream job.

My first thought was how what I do now is pretty much the exact opposite of what I checked off on the list.  The thought of having spent the past four or five years doing the same exact thing since I first went through that list made me want to cry.

While I am grateful to be basically back to where I was before cancer, I am depressed at being back to where I was….which is still in a place that is unhappy and less than ideal.

The voices in my head are arguing – the It’s too Risky! voice.  The It’s too Hard! voice.  The What’s the Point? voice. And the DO IT! voice.  It’s noisy above the shoulders these days.

Not exactly sure where this will all go but I absolutely feel like a change is needed. Life is too dang short.