How can it already be the middle of December?  It seems like it was just spring a minute ago.  Another roller coaster year is almost in the books.  Wow.

Last I was here, I was struggling with anxiety issues.  Happy to report that has eased a bit and not a moment too soon.  I finally figured out (or accepted) that most of the anxiety was related to work issues.  Not really new for me but it was worse than usual because of my tendency to procrastinate.

Anyway…..

Relative to the work related stress issue is the being stuck issue.  I’ve been stuck for years.  Cancer just interrupted it and pushed it to the side.

One of my unsaid goals after cancer was to get unstuck.  To finally move on and find inspiration somewhere else.  To do something I actually enjoyed doing every day.  That whole life is too short thing. So perhaps the anxiety problem is enhanced because I feel like I have failed to get unstuck.  In a lot of ways, I am in deeper than ever before.

It’s been an expensive year – in mostly good ways – after a year of lower than usual earnings with higher than anticipated expenses.   So two expensive (well, three sort of) in a row does not help the bank account.  This year’s workload increased which means my paycheck increased.  A normally good thing, considering the expensive past couple of years, but now I am used to a bigger paycheck.

It’s an odd complaint of sorts.  I like the extra pay, but it sure makes it harder to walk away.  Or makes a person think more than once about walking away without a really good Plan B.

I mentioned before that I was considering writing a book.  It’s actually on my bucket list.  I kept a journal last year with the intent of turning it into a book.  Actually, I have done some journaling on and off for years – pre and post cancer.

At one point last year, I actually transcribed the journal into a document and then life got busy.

I have been thinking about that possible book for months, trying to figure out the theme or what I want it to be about.  Perhaps this may be a sort of Plan B.

So today I finally dug out all those pages I typed up and printed out months ago to read and figure things out.

I will admit that I cried.  Oh yes I did.  I’m not sure why, the emotion of reading about all the crap that happened last year just became overwhelming.  And then I thought….maybe I DO have something to say that others would read.   The meat of the book is there, just need some potatoes and side dishes.

I think I have my next project and perhaps a way to channel all those “stuck” feelings.  Will keep you posted.