So today is Twisted Kismet’s third anniversary!  Time sure does fly!

We’ll start with a brief update.  I am officially done with the treatment plan and feel like I have mostly recovered.  Next up will be a CT scan later on this week to determine if the treatment worked.  I am feeling a bit anxious – either the scan will be clean (yay!) or it will show some areas of “concern” that need to be monitored (not so much yay) or it will show tumors / bad things.  There is no way to know until the scan is done.  So yeah, it’s a weird place to be.

As for recovery, physically I feel pretty good except for some lingering fatigue.  I still tire pretty easily and feel very out of shape.  It will just take time to get my strength back.  Time and a lot of walking.

Mental / emotional recovery seems to be taking a bit more work than expected.  I am convinced the chemo drugs mess with brain cells in a lot of ways.  There is the fogginess of “chemo brain”, the intermittent memory loss, and there is depression.  For me, the depression manifested in anger and frustration.  It’s been a roller coaster for the past 9 weeks or so.

But to get back to the anniversary thing.  I wish I had a better plan!  hahaha

When I first started this blog it was supposed to be an inspirational thing. A place to celebrate being single.  A positive and upbeat voice in the land of negativity.  And then cancer hit…and there were unexpected changes.  My apologies.

A few weeks ago, I was trying to figure out of married folks have an “easier” time with chronic or serious illness than single folks.  Like most things, there are good points and bad points to both.

Married folks presumably have a built in helper – someone to drive to appointments and generally help out around the house.  Single folks have to scramble to find help and transportation.  In the beginning, this was the biggest source of stress for me.  One of my first thoughts after I found out the REAL diagnosis was…how the heck am I going to be able to do this?

Married folks also presumably have a built in emotional support system while single folks cobble together a network of supportive friends and family.  This can be trickier than you think.  Trust me.

And financially, married folks possibly have a second source of income.  Possibly.  Single folks, not so much.

On the flipside, are the married folks in a rocky relationship or with unsupportive spouses.  For those folks, I think being single is a better deal.

My mom’s second husband, Bob, was not exactly the most supportive spouse.  He did not have a driver’s license so there was really no help from him for transportation when she was going through her cancer ordeal.  Bob also refused to believe mom was terminally ill.  Bob also have very little income from Social Security and was a drain on mom’s finances.   In other words, Bob was a very frustrating (and annoying) spouse during mom’s illness.  He did, however, come through in the end and took care of her around the clock for the last few weeks of her life.

So I dunno.  The women in the online support group talk about how great their husbands have been and it’s something I find hard to relate to.  The medical system – and the world in general – assume people are in pairs.  It is assumed you have someone to drive you places and take care of things.  If you don’t?  Well, figure it out.

I struggled mightily with figuring out how to balance my need for independence with asking for help when there was no other option.  I have to admit that it’s easier to accept help when you feel sick than to ask for help in ADVANCE of feeling sick.  When my sister in law was here and all I wanted to do was sleep, I really didn’t care what she did.  Seriously.

Once again, the answer to this mystery is…..it depends.

I’m pretty proud to have gotten through everything with a minimal amount of help.  I was lucky enough to have a friend who lived near by who offered assistance when needed while respecting my independence.  I was also lucky enough to have a sister in law who was able to make the trip down here three times to help around the house.

Somehow, it all worked out, just as things usually do…it’s that kismet thing.

Now I can only hope to get back to the regularly scheduled blogging about happier things.