So it’s been almost three months since I lost my hair.  Since then, I have also lost my eyebrows and most of my eyelashes.  You never realize how much of a difference it makes to have eyebrows until they are gone.  Seriously.

I blogged about the hair loss before and how traumatic it was for me.  I sort of stopped talking about it (aside from in the cancer support group) because most folks brushed it off with comments like “It’s just hair” or “It’s not a big deal” or “It will grow back!” or “Just rock a bald head and wear a scarf!).  Do you have any idea how long it will take for it to grow back?  Yeah, you’re thinking now…

But anyway, I sort of got used to wearing hats and stuff.  I was never much of a hat person BEFORE all this happened so wearing a hat was annoying.  And it’s getting HOT here.  Once summer is in full force, it will be miserably hot.  So somewhere buried deep in my subconscious, I really wanted to screw up the courage to just go bald.  Well, let me clarify that,  mostly bald.  I do have an old man gray hair buzz cut look going right now.

Unlike what most folks believe, it really wasn’t so much about what others thought.  It was about how I FELT about going out with no hair.  At the Look Good Feel Better session a few weeks ago, it was said that women look in the mirror and don’t recognize the person looking back.  Hair loss changes your facial features, too.  It’s just hard to explain.

As someone who has struggled with body image issues, it was hard to deal with.  It was like I lost the one thing I could mostly control.  I cannot control my facial features or, for the most part, my weight but I CAN control hair color and cut.  It was also one of the few vanity things I did for myself.  Again, it’s just hard to explain.

So one day last week, I rushed out of the house to stop at the bank prior to picking up the dog at daycare.  I walked into the vet office (doggy daycare) and one of the girls at the desk got this huge smile on her face and said “Well, hello gorgeous!”.  It took me a second to realize I left the house without a hat.  The bandaid had been ripped off.  I didn’t have to stress about whether or not I could do it…because it was already done.  And no one died.  😀

I am taking baby steps now and going without when I go to “safe places”.  Testing the waters, I suppose.

I also finished the cancer afghan on Friday when I took some time off work to rest.  It turned out pretty nice for a first try.

Otherwise, I am still plugging away.  Been feeling sick on and off for a couple of days.  Bleah…. I started feeling tired Thursday evening and decided to only work a couple of hours on Friday.  The fatigue may start settling in this week since I have been told it usually starts after the 10th treatment…which is set for Tuesday.  I’ve pretty much accepted it will get worse before it gets better.

June 8 will not be here soon enough.