Not exactly sure where to start…
I tend to be a goal oriented kind of girl. I have two bucket lists (one that needs to be seriously updated), a running to do list, and daily work goals. The only way I can stay on track at work is by a daily list of things I want to accomplish.
Sometimes I wonder if all the goals and lists are a hindrance more than a help. At any given time, it seems I am juggling various projects and chores. Maybe that’s why naps seem like such a great idea lately.
Ever since I can remember, I have plotted and planned for the future. The things I chose to do almost always had a reason and would be somehow related to some plan or other. And then life seemed to happen which would throw off the plan. It’s frustrating.
Over the past few months, I have been reading various books based on Buddhist principles. I don’t talk about it much but find it fascinating and somewhat calming. Two things stand out right now. The first is that life is chaotic. that’s just how things are. The second is to quit thinking about what might happen and enjoy the current moment. The theory is that whatever will happen in the future, will happen and worrying about it now won’t change it….so enjoy the moment you are in right now. Or something like that.
Of course, this is a direct contradiction to my obsession with goals. I fear drifting through life and not accomplishing anything but yet find myself too frustrated to just enjoy life. It’s a conundrum.
And then I read this passage in Rising Strong:
“Often stories of falling are threaded with sadness, frustration, or anger, describing something that, for some reason, just didn’t turn out the way we hoped it would…. Disappointment is unmet expectations, and the more significant the expectations the more significant the disappointment…. Expectations often coast along under our radar, making themselves known only after they have bombed something we had high hopes for into rubble… As Ann Lamott said, ‘Expectations are resentments waiting to happen.'”
Maybe my goals are more expectations – for myself, for others, for life in general. I expect things to go a certain way and then feel disappointed and frustrated when things don’t work out as planned / expected.
I’m not sure what the answer is, or if there IS an answer. Lowered expectations? Fewer goals? Throw all caution to the wind and live life one day at a time?
This past year went mostly as planned, at least for the first part of the year. Things went a bit off the rails starting in June and I never seemed to get back to the plan. And now I think it’s time for a new plan or maybe not.
Maybe it’s time to give “play it by ear” a shot to see how things turn out. Or maybe not.
First of all; I love, love, love the WW Dyer quote. I have long known that acceptance is the key to worry free living. Second of all; I have trouble accepting things the way they sometimes are!
I have only done a little reading about Buddhism. However, it has been really hard for me to wrap my head around even its most basic principals because living in the moment seems to exclude all forms of planning and preparation. I’ve been taught all my life that if you fail to plan, you’re really just planning to fail AND, if you don’t know what you want, you cannot accomplish anything. I admit it is easier to just accept the way things are sometimes than to know what I want but, I need to know what I want!!!
Conundrum? Yes, for me it is just that. The retraining process continues and becomes a goal within itself. Is that progress? or not?
Yup, know what you mean. I think it is about balance…heading in the right direction without living in (and stressing about) the future. It really is true that staying in the moment is a great anxiety reducer, it’s something I am still working on. I get lost when reading books by the actual Buddhist monks but have had better success with Pema Chodron’s writing style. “When Things Fall Apart” had some great passages.