Yes, this is an actual knight!  The picture was taken in a military museum in Leeds and it might be the closest I will ever come to having a knight come into my life.

So I mentioned that little voice inside my head in the last post but I guess I should mention there are multiple voices.  It can get kinda noisy above the shoulders.

While part of the whole downsizing, minimalism, simplicity direction is related to reading and research, another part is related to acceptance of the fact that I do not enjoy maintaining a home.  Makes a person wonder how I ended up in a single family home, with a decent size yard, and a pool.  Made me wonder, too.

I know it was mostly because it seemed like the thing to do.  It was what I was “supposed” to do – get promoted and move into a bigger house.  Right?  But I am slowly beginning to realize I had a white knight thing going on, too.

I do believe buried deep in my female subconscious was this belief that I would find a man, get married, and then live happily ever after.  A man could certainly help take care of the house, right?  A dual income would be fabulous!  He was the white knight that never arrived.  It is really hard for me to admit that out loud.  So shhhhh!

I did manage to date a guy who helped me around the house – cutting down vegetation (never, ever question the attraction of a man with a chainsaw!), moving furniture, and random repairs.  It was a beautiful thing.  But then he moved away and that was that.

I read Brene Brown’s new book Rising Strong at the beach and the following passage struck me:

Disappointment is unmet expectations, and the more significant the expectations, the more significant the disappointment.

One of the other voices in my head expressed disappointment in “giving up” on this house and moving into something smaller.  The unmet expectation for me….is the white knight who did not arrive.

But I think I have finally accepted the fact that there will be no white knight and now that I can move on to what suits me better.  I can move on to a smaller place with less maintenance and more free time.  No more “in hopes of” or “things will be better when” thoughts.

The newest voice in my head says “this is the right thing”.  It’s time to move on.