In the world of being single and dating after a “certain age”, people get caught up in “baggage”.   I almost always say I have “no baggage” or at least limited baggage because I don’t have an ex-husband, any crazy ex-boyfriends, or kids.

I have recently started to think about baggage differently.  I think it is not necessarily the bad things from our past but just our past.  And we all have a past.  There are a lot of people who think dwelling on your past is a bad thing and I tend to agree.  I do believe, however, that we need to know and accept where our past has brought us in the present.  I believe we need to understand where we are coming from in order to figure out where we are going.

Everyone had a set of unique experiences when growing up.  That set of experiences act like a filter for how we, for lack of a better term, process information and experiences.   In other words, there are certain phrases and actions that trigger emotional responses – and those triggers are different for each of us.  I am finally coming to terms with some of those triggers.

I just finished reading a book titled Where the River Runs.  It was a novel which is a rare read for me these days, but I really liked the way it was written.  There were two passages that I came across today that struck me.  The first was the inspiration for this post and the second was related to a written exercise last night.

“Stop looking for something you already have…Stop looking for a ghost of the past to give you permission to fully live your life.  Stop wandering and waiting…”

There are times I think the ghosts of my past weigh me down and stop me from doing what I want to do.  The past insecurities whisper in my head that I’m not good enough or whatever to just DO the things that will make me happy.

Yesterday was a day filled with irritation and aggravation.  Nothing seemed to go well and I was drained by the time I got home.  My day job is like that – draining, exhausting, irritating, and pretty much not fun at all.  So during a meditation, I wrote out what I wanted in a list.  It was an “I want” rant of sorts and it felt good to just have a rant, even if it was on paper.

And then I read the second passage in the book….

“I want to be someone who takes the dare, isn’t scare of what others think, helps others, appreciates nature, loves to teach.  Someone who listens to the longing and doesn’t squelch it every time it shows up just because it might be inappropriate.  Because if I listen to longing, it just might show up again and again.  I want to be someone who laughs loud, says what she thinks and not what others want to hear”.  

I think it’s time to tell the ghosts of the past to shut up.  It’s time to take the lessons I have learned and apply them to the future.   Not exactly sure how that will happen, but it’s time.