I am hoping this doesn’t sound like too much of a rant even th0ugh it sort of is.

I’m not sure if this is a female issue or a non gender specific issue but I tend to believe women are criticized far more than men.  Yeah, I know, I’m not a man so how would I know?  Bear with me here.

I’ve been pondering this whole “why are you still single” thing to come up with a reason “why” even though there likely isn’t any one particular reason.  All the “reasons” that have been implied along the way are actually criticisms and fault finding.  It is implied that I must be doing something WRONG to “end up” this way.

For most of my life, it seems I haven’t measured up to someone else’s ideal and it keeps changing as the years pass.  When I was a teenager, I wasn’t cute enough, nice enough or outgoing enough.  Oh, I was smart enough but that’s not what teenage boys are interested in unless they want to copy homework answers.

Then in my twenties, I still wasn’t pretty enough, thin enough, fun enough, or dressed provocatively enough to land a man.  Or maybe I wasn’t demure enough or unbitchy enough or flirty enough or sexy enough.  Hard to say.

In my thirties, I wasn’t young enough, or wanting to be a mother enough, or successful enough, or (again) thin enough, or (again) fun enough or (again) sexy enough.

And now that I am past the thirties and heading quickly toward fifties, you would think people would be beyond trying to “fix” whatever they perceive to be wrong with me.  I’m 49, I sorta have a few things figured out.  I’m pretty happy with myself, all things considered.  I may not be considered “thin” or “athletic” but I can run a 5K without collapsing.

I may not be cute and pretty (ew, hate those terms by the way) but there are some who find me sexy.  Shocking, no?  As an aside, I will always believe women hit their stride after age 40.  That’s when we no longer give as much of a rat’s behind what other people think.  Self confidence IS sexy. ‘Nuff said about that for right now.

So after all this, why do I feel like people talk to me and treat me like I am twelve years old?  Could it be there is a lack of respect for those who have not battled it out in marriage?  How could a single person possibly understand relationships and interpersonal dynamics if, sigh, said person has never been attached more or less permanently to another human being?

While I may lack that perspective, I can certainly appreciate how people relate to each other.   I’d venture a guess that I have had more “interpersonal relationships” with other men than most married women.  That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.

Or maybe it’s something deeper or subconscious.  In talking to one of the attorneys I work with, it dawned on me that not having kids doesn’t give me an age “yardstick”.  I think people who have kids mentally age in a way when they see their kids graduate from high school or college and then have kids of their own.  I will almost certainly never be a grandma to a child.  So maybe that’s it.

It certainly can’t be because I’m not a responsible adult because I am.  Exceedingly so.  Exhaustingly so.  Then why do so many people start their conversations with “have you thought about” or “why don’t you”?  What is this pervasive need to “fix” or change or educate?

To be fair, I am all about “personal growth” and all that comes with it.  Honest.  But I’d rather it be the growth I pick and choose to work on and not someone else’s perceived fault.  Yes, sometimes I whine and complain but it’s mostly so I can work things out in my head.  Or because it’s been a bad day.  Or because the patience hat slipped off my head. It doesn’t mean I want advice unless I ask for it.

Sometimes it’s just nice to know someone will listen and not judge or try to fix anything.  Sometimes it’s nice to know I am – and we all are – awesome just as we are.