Twisted Kismet

The sometimes crazy road from here to there

Who will deal with your stuff?

Written By: Pam - Aug• 09•15

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I was reading a book about simplifying your life which, by the way, is related to minimalism and there was this whole chapter dedicated to getting rid of your stuff as you get older.  Yeah, it’s a little morbid but it is reality.  The author pointed out that when you give away your stuff you are in control of where it goes.

Think about it.  If you have things that you want to go to your kids or a charity or relatives or friends, has that been spelled out anywhere?  Who will take care of your stuff if you are unable to?

This concept made me think.  I am not married and have no kids.  If something should happen to me tomorrow or next week or next month, who would clear out all the stuff in my house?

My parents both passed away in 2009 so my brother and I had a lot of decisions to make about our parents’ stuff.  There were many lessons learned.  My dad still lived in the house we grew up in so there was over 40 years of stuff in the attic, various closets, the basement, and some outside buildings.

My dad was far from a packrat but it still took us days to sort through everything and haul bags of trash to the curb.  We sold some stuff at an estate sale but there really wasn’t much of value.  We kept some things that had value (antiques and old comic books) or personal meaning.  But really, it wasn’t all that much.

My mom had remarried after my parents divorce.  Her second husband, Bob, was a packrat bordering on hoarder.  He kept anything and everything because it “might” be “needed” at some unspecified time in the future.  They lived in small apartment that was crammed with crap.  My mom wanted to clean it out but Bob wouldn’t let her (seriously, he wouldn’t) and she was weak from going through chemo.

My mom knew she was terminally ill so she started to give away things to her friends and to us.  These were things she wanted us to have.  Since Bob was going to continue living in the apartment, we could not go through mom’s stuff after she passed.

Bob passed away less than four months after mom.  Bob’s kids showed up from out of town and announced they were going to clear everything out of the apartment.  And they did.  My brother and I never had an opportunity to go through my mom’s things to keep what had meaning to us.   It still makes me sad and angry six years later.  I’m pretty sure my mom would not be pleased with how it played out.

So if you collecting things for “later”, ask yourself what you will do with it, you know, “later”.  It is a sobering thought.  How much value does it really have…not just to you, but to your loved ones?

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2 Comments

  1. Greg Bowling says:

    Sad that “stuff” has a prominent place in so many lives. I am totally opposite. I care about people. I do not care about stuff. My X kept furniture that she hated only because it belonged to her relatives that had passed on.
    I exercised my attitude on this matter last month. I sold all my furniture with the last property. It included a furniture that had once belonged to both of my grandmothers and to my mother. Honestly, I am very happy with my decision. I could have used it but it would have cost more than it is worth to move it 800 miles and I did not “love it”. I have no regrets and even feel that a weight has been lifted from my shoulders. It’s only stuff. I choose the people in my life. I don’t want or need their stuff. If they want me to have something, fine. I have nothing to give my family other than my time and my attention. I will hopefully leave my children some money. I do realize that I am different from most and I don’t judge those that want to have a keepsake from a family member. But God, I hope my kids don’t miss my stuff! Its not where I wish my memory to reside.

    • Pam says:

      I doubt your kids would want you to leave “stuff” that they would have to deal with. If they REALLY wanted the furniture or other stuff you sold, they would have said so and you could have just given it to them. Most of the stuff my parents had really had no value other than sentimental. It didn’t have enough sentimental value to drag it out of the house and make room for it elsewhere.

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